Talk to me (Week 40)
"Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with deeper meaning."
Oh sure, I could send a text. Do it all the time. But what about heeding the wise words of Maya Angelou and using my voice to reach out? That's what I did for a week after putting together a list of seven friends I hadn't spoken to in a long time. It was magical.
I have been a bad friend for most of my life. Some of the greatest people I have ever shared time with have just melted away. For me, and I suspect for a lot of people, it takes a Herculean effort to pick up a phone after years apart and launch into a conversation. But as Thomas Fuller once wrote, all things are difficult before they are easy.
There are many times when calling beats texting. and there's a lot of cool science behind the power of the human voice. I was surprised to learn that hearing our own voice during a conversation creates an important feedback loop that affects our own moods and emotions. So imagine what it does to the person on the other end of the line. It's a two-way circle of goodness.
I'll share three memorable chats with you.
First up was Scott. Back in the 90s, we did everything together. We rode mountain bikes in the North Shore Mountains, and in France. We co-hosted a radio show called Lulu's Back in Town. We both bought classic BMWs and tinkered on them together. Scott stood beside me at my wedding as my best man. And then, radio silence for more than 20 years.
You can't simply pick up the phone after an absence like that and dial your old pal. You need to precede it with a notice. Or a warning, if you will. Scott eagerly accepted by email.
Oh man, was it ever great to hear his voice. It was like those 20 years never happened. Of course, some stuff had happened in that time. Between us, three spouses, six kids, and about 20 jobs. But we were still the same people, and fell easily into conversation. We made a pact that we would see each other soon and lift a glass together. I came away with a happy glow.
Next came Erik. We go even further back, to the 80s, as university roommates. We jumped out of an airplane together, went on reading break road trips, and ran both the 2002 Victoria Marathon and 2012 Berlin Marathon together. But it had been years since I'd heard his voice. Again, we pre-arranged to call. And it was great. We now have kids in eastern Canadian universities and are approaching our "golden years." Erik revealed that he is playing pickle-ball, taking up curling and considering joining a bridge league.
Because Erik and I have run marathons together every 10 years, we made a pact too. In 2022, we will be running the Athens Marathon. You know, the original one. That's gonna hurt at our age, but it won't matter.
Then, Charles. In the 2000s, we worked together at a pair of Calgary advertising agencies. In 2007, we appeared together on CBC's Test the Nation, competing with a team of copywriters against 7 other teams. And we won the whole thing! Many years later, we had forged different paths and not spoken for a long time.
The news from Charles came as a series of multiple shocks, none of them small. As great as it was to hear Charles' voice, especially with his smooth British accent, it was tough to listen to the stories. While moving to the West Coast, his moving van went over a cliff and destroyed most of his worldly goods, shortly before a tree crushed a shed containing the rest of his belongings. Last year, a mutual friend of ours got sick suddenly and died within a few weeks. Charles was there by his bedside in Victoria. Less than a year later, his daughter was in a near-fatal car crash that left her in a coma, in the same hospital. Where does a person even start?
It's a lot easier to re-connect with friends when all you do is share warm memories. But then you realize that people's lives change and not always for the better. I am completely guilty of leaving gaping chasms in my friendships, and could have been there to help with more than just words. Another pact was needed. So I will see Charles soon, and I look forward to wrapping my arms around his beleaguered shoulders.
And of course, I will look forward to hearing his voice...in person.
NEXT WEEK: Turning my hand to calligraphy!
Oh sure, I could send a text. Do it all the time. But what about heeding the wise words of Maya Angelou and using my voice to reach out? That's what I did for a week after putting together a list of seven friends I hadn't spoken to in a long time. It was magical.
I have been a bad friend for most of my life. Some of the greatest people I have ever shared time with have just melted away. For me, and I suspect for a lot of people, it takes a Herculean effort to pick up a phone after years apart and launch into a conversation. But as Thomas Fuller once wrote, all things are difficult before they are easy.
There are many times when calling beats texting. and there's a lot of cool science behind the power of the human voice. I was surprised to learn that hearing our own voice during a conversation creates an important feedback loop that affects our own moods and emotions. So imagine what it does to the person on the other end of the line. It's a two-way circle of goodness.
I'll share three memorable chats with you.
First up was Scott. Back in the 90s, we did everything together. We rode mountain bikes in the North Shore Mountains, and in France. We co-hosted a radio show called Lulu's Back in Town. We both bought classic BMWs and tinkered on them together. Scott stood beside me at my wedding as my best man. And then, radio silence for more than 20 years.
You can't simply pick up the phone after an absence like that and dial your old pal. You need to precede it with a notice. Or a warning, if you will. Scott eagerly accepted by email.
Oh man, was it ever great to hear his voice. It was like those 20 years never happened. Of course, some stuff had happened in that time. Between us, three spouses, six kids, and about 20 jobs. But we were still the same people, and fell easily into conversation. We made a pact that we would see each other soon and lift a glass together. I came away with a happy glow.
Next came Erik. We go even further back, to the 80s, as university roommates. We jumped out of an airplane together, went on reading break road trips, and ran both the 2002 Victoria Marathon and 2012 Berlin Marathon together. But it had been years since I'd heard his voice. Again, we pre-arranged to call. And it was great. We now have kids in eastern Canadian universities and are approaching our "golden years." Erik revealed that he is playing pickle-ball, taking up curling and considering joining a bridge league.
Because Erik and I have run marathons together every 10 years, we made a pact too. In 2022, we will be running the Athens Marathon. You know, the original one. That's gonna hurt at our age, but it won't matter.
Then, Charles. In the 2000s, we worked together at a pair of Calgary advertising agencies. In 2007, we appeared together on CBC's Test the Nation, competing with a team of copywriters against 7 other teams. And we won the whole thing! Many years later, we had forged different paths and not spoken for a long time.
The news from Charles came as a series of multiple shocks, none of them small. As great as it was to hear Charles' voice, especially with his smooth British accent, it was tough to listen to the stories. While moving to the West Coast, his moving van went over a cliff and destroyed most of his worldly goods, shortly before a tree crushed a shed containing the rest of his belongings. Last year, a mutual friend of ours got sick suddenly and died within a few weeks. Charles was there by his bedside in Victoria. Less than a year later, his daughter was in a near-fatal car crash that left her in a coma, in the same hospital. Where does a person even start?
It's a lot easier to re-connect with friends when all you do is share warm memories. But then you realize that people's lives change and not always for the better. I am completely guilty of leaving gaping chasms in my friendships, and could have been there to help with more than just words. Another pact was needed. So I will see Charles soon, and I look forward to wrapping my arms around his beleaguered shoulders.
And of course, I will look forward to hearing his voice...in person.
NEXT WEEK: Turning my hand to calligraphy!
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